Get on the Bus, Gus?

By now most of you will be familiar with the story of the Kulesza family, and if you're not, where have you been? Long story short, blah blah, the Kuleszas were on an AirTran flight in January when their daughter Elly threw a temper tantrum before takeoff and could not be calmed down. She refused to sit in her seat, which prevented the plane from leaving the gate according to federal regulations. Airline personnel finally ordered the family to disembark and left without them.

The Kuleszas were highly upset at being removed from the plane, saying they only needed more time to calm their daughter down. They refused AirTran's appeasement offer of free tickets, saying they'll never fly with them again. AirTran felt that it was fully justified in removing them, saying that the little girl's refusal to sit down was a safety issue that the parents clearly were unable to handle.

If you've been reading us with any regularity - and we hope you have - you know the two main tenets of our luxury travel "belief system." First, children should be allowed to experience some of the luxury and sophistication that their parents aim for when traveling. While we understand and agree that there are some places that should be off-limits for the pure sake of relief, it doesn't follow that all vacations with young ones should center around Disneyworld and theme parks. Parents who have built an appreciation for a certain quality of life should not have their few weeks of vacation time dominated by what Hollywood and Noggin interpret to be of interest to a child.

But lest you think we're being completely selfish, we assure you: we do have our children's interests at heart as well. As a matter of fact, we think that the best way to instill an appreciation for that same quality of life is to offer it to children on a regular basis. Yes, we're aware that, based on age, attention span and interests, some museums may have to get passed up, and some spas and restaurants may have to be saved for later vacations unless you've brought the nanny or a grandparent along or are willing to use the hotel babysitter. But we've found that with careful thought and planning, travel with children can incorporate many high-end establishments in varied destinations. And we've discovered that children will often rise to the occasion and take delight in much of what people assume would bore them or go unnoticed. In short, going outside the Happy Meal box is not only to our benefit, it's to the benefit of our children as well.

However - and this is a big however - we think that our first tenet is extremely dependent on our second tenet. Call it 1A, if you will. On second thought, it should really be the first tenet, because without it the other one is moot. And that is, that children should be well-trained and well-behaved. We would say "when traveling", but to be honest, your hopes of having a well-trained child when traveling are slim to none if he's uncontrollable in day-to-day life. Now, we're not of the old school of thought that says children should be seen and not heard and all that nonsense. But there seems to be a new style of parenting - or non-parenting, if you will - where people are loath to set rules for their children and prepare them to be civil adults by showing them how to be civil children. If your child is kicking the seatback, shrieking, running up and down the aisles, or throwing tantrums, and you either won't or can't get him to stop, then maybe he shouldn't be traveling. We can safely say he shouldn't be traveling to the places we're writing about. But many would say he shouldn't be traveling anywhere.

And that's exactly what is happening. People have risen up across the blogosphere to say that children should not be on airplanes at all. That's the most ridiculous thing we've ever heard, frankly - airplanes stopped being any sort of "privilege" a long time ago. But with bratty behavior as the norm these days, it's no wonder that many people have come to expect the worst when they see a child traveling; they often get it, in spades. And unlike in a restaurant or hotel, there is no escape on a plane.

We're not fearful that banishment will happen on airlines any time soon, but we are afraid that the more poorly-trained children there are, the fewer hotels, resorts and restaurants there will be that welcome the behaving ones with open arms: how do they know when you make your reservation whether your child is a hellion or an angel? To the Kuleszas' credit, they do admit that Elly wasn't behaving very well; they just think that the airline mishandled the situation. And we're not saying they are bad parents - even the best toddler has bad days and meltdowns from being tired, and God help you if it happens while traveling. For that reason, we won't come down on the side of the airline or the Kuleszas on this one: we've seen airline personnel take an unnecessarily combative approach to many situations since 9/11, and we've also seen a frightening dearth of parenting skills in the last few decades. But on the general topic of children and travel, we can't stress it enough: please, please - do yourself and your children a favor and teach them to be considerate of other people. Whether you're visiting Mickey Mouse or Claridge's, there's nothing wrong with knowing how to say please and thank you. With understanding that kicking someone's seat bothers the person in the seat. With comprehending that being loud is offensive and unnecessary in most situations. With knowing that the airplane/airport/restaurant/hotel lobby is not a playground to run amok in. A child who is walking and talking is old enough to start learning these things, and teaching them will enable you to travel with less fear than those who play Russian roulette every time they take their children out in public. And it will earn you the gratitude of travelers - and travel personnel - everywhere.